What Does Your Desktop Say About You?
The humble desktop wallpaper. For many it’s more than a temporary dumping ground for files downloaded from the web; it’s an extension of their digital soul, providing a chance to assess characters and probe deeper into personality traits. Well, only if you believe in that stuff.
In this series, our self-appointed resident satirist extracts some tongue-in-cheek insights from examples found around Mustard HQ. Because it’s the silly season.
People often confuse your looks of deep concentration with that of boredom. Irrespective of your seemingly vacant facade, your metaphysical control of time management, number and spatial order would make Christopher Nolan weep. Your lucky numbers are 8 and Pi because they remind you of food.
Notation and lists are your friend, but are often used as temporary coasters for milky beverages that have turned cold through neglect. You seek solace from the yawning white escarpment of emails before you, culminating in sporadic bursts of dark humour. You especially enjoy making people uncomfortable about casual racism.
You like this sports team and get frustrated when people ask you who they are. You have a wicked collection of kicks and would happily wear trainers to any formal occasion if you could. In fact, you have often wondered if it’s ok to go to work in your gym outfit.
You enjoy irony, but will argue until you are purple in the face that Alanis Morissette got it wrong even though the Oxford dictionary includes situational/cosmic irony in its definition. You might subscribe to the idea that Ms. Morissette intended for the song to be ironic by deliberately making bad attempts at it in her lyrics, but agree that this kind of circular reasoning gets us nowhere and it’s best we forget about that dark period of our collective discography.
You are organised, determined and fearless. The world does not define you – you define it… by Googling the results. Though you chose this wallpaper out of sheer efficiency, incongruously you will deliberate over each description on a box of chocolates before making your choice. You always choose something containing traces of nuts.
Hmm, are you feeling ok?
Your grasp of reality is confused with your overinflated imagination. Nonetheless, everyone is genuinely impressed that you can do a pitch-perfect impression of Nemo. Having said that, orange is definitely not your colour. Considering this month’s lunar movements it’s best you grab a cab instead.